Point of chaos

Every morning I woke up I was blissfully unaware of a whole new dimension that exists around and inside me. I know, the word dimension evokes a sense of sci-fi but I don’t mean it that way. I mean it from the perspective of my perception.

My life is filled with hardships. That statement has a critical flaw. The flaw is that I am unconsciously comparing my life with that of others. If there was no comparison then there are no hardships. Just the process of life with high points of happiness and sadness, with high points of physical effort and high points total bliss. It’s not good or bad. 

If I stop comparing then I am just a bubble of life.  And yet I am conscious of my existence. My identity is not me but a collection of genetic memory, behavioural memory and that memory which my experiences have taught me. These thoughts are not a revelation. Guru’s and sage’s have spoken about all this for thousands of years. But the penultimate realization is profound, Like an idea, like a bright light in my head. Once this perception becomes absolute reality then there is no going back. My compass and foundation of identity started to shake and crumble. 

Who am I? 

I understand the question, and why it is so profound. And I have to know or at least try. 

I have reached a point of pure chaos. There is something fundamental stirring in me. Sometimes all this is chaos and sometimes all this is clear as a bright sunny day. 

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